Dateline Wuxi, China, Tuesday October 9, 2012

616 on the elliptical this morning in my half hour, but it took concentration on maintaining the effort.  Not sure a high number is worth it.

I’m trying to figure out why I am so obviously sabotaging my efforts to achieve my goal of slender wasted youthful figure.  Why?  It reminds me of trying to quit smoking, in those years before I was successful,  the way I would chip and borrow smokes from neighbours.  Sabotaging my efforts to give the stinking weed up.  Now I’m doing the same thing with weight loss.  Why?

Now, I thoroughly enjoyed the sambuca nightcap last night.  I really did.  But was it worth this feeling of being untrue to my goals and desires.  Could I not have waited until Saturday, the cheater day.  Well, yes I could have.  But it wouldn’t have been the same thing.

I notice that I usually lose self control late at night, when I’m tired.  Or maybe that’s just another excuse.  It’s a puzzle.

This morning Ruth asked if I wanted to go first on the machine.  I said no.  So she reluctantly got up and did her exercise.  When she announced that the machine was free, I made noises about not wanting to use it.  “Well, if you’re not going to exercise then I’m going to move the alarm clock back to quarter after seven instead of quarter two.”

How sweet.  She had given up half an hour of sleep for me, just to encourage me to exercise.  We’ve come to an agreement.  We shall take turns being firsts on the machine.  My turn tomorrow.  Damn.